Goodbye, Hello

How stereotypical that I, as a woman, obsess over having it all and the fact that it’s impossible.  This pressure, expectation, idea that we will someday, somehow, have it all.  This statement is so fraught because it is so wrong.  How can you have it all?  I think it’s time for everyone to take a deep breath and let it all go.  Release the pressure into the universe.  Doesn’t that feel good?

Now that you feel better, there is still so much life to live!  I believe strongly that you can have all you want, but defining the things you truly want is what causes everyone to trip over themselves.  My first step in figuring out what I really wanted out of life?  I took an interpersonal inventory…and I purged what didn’t fit anymore.

1. Say goodbye.  Toxic friends are holding you down.  Sometimes, it feels like they might be sitting on your chest.  Which is why, when you finally stop having those extra drinks on Thursday nights, stop responding to their every text, and stop defining your relationship as “friends”, these people redouble their efforts to put you down and make you feel bad.  It’s all to keep you just where they want you, under their thumb.  

Many people think the term “toxic friend” is something extreme, but in my opinion, anyone is toxic if they think they have any sort of control over your life, make unsupportive comments at opportune times or do anything besides be supportive, honest and genuinely happy for your successes.  It’s unbelievable how much time you have in your life for your hobbies and loved ones, when these faux friends make their exit.  Just like in romance, sometimes relationships don’t work out.  Make the tough decision, dissolve the friendship, and discover how nice it is not to rehash and overanalyze every single interaction, to not constantly be dealing with drama, issues and arguments.

2. Say hello.  Welcome the people in your life who make you smile and feel comfortable.  Good friends feel like home every single time you see them.  No tension or stress.  It’s been unbelievable to me how much room I really had in my life to immerse myself in my new career, and to make room for new friends and new interests once I shed the negative influences in my life.  And other people have responded to my lighter attitude and outlook.  I’ve reconnected with many friends I’d lost during my time in law school, and, beyond that, I feel that our reconnection is even deeper than the original friendship.

Putting this into words makes it sound somewhat simple, but this was a difficult and emotional process.  In the end, though, it’s given me time to explore my own mind, the first and most critical step in identifying exactly what it would mean, for me, to “have it all.”

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